Why the new name?

I changed the name of my blog. "Why?", you ask? This was the original name but I thought maybe it was too weird. But it kept tugging at me and so I changed it back. Because this is how I have felt since getting sick. So let me explain. I often think that it feels like my body and I are separate entities. I have no control over what it does on moment to moment basis. It controls, how I feel, what I get to do, and (mostly this one), what I don't get to do. It tells me that I'm shaking trembling anxious, even when I'm just chillin on the couch. It tells me I'm gonna vomit RIGHT NOW,even when I was completely fine a second ago. It tells me that I AM NOT going to sleep, even when I am completely exhausted. Its like something took over my body. Which made me think of this:

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Yep. Its like the body snatchers came and invaded me. My body and even parts of my mind are changed. I don't control it really. I even struggle to think clearly and form simple words at times. I miss the pre body snatcher me. I was smart. I had a large vocabulary. I had good grammar. Apparently the pod people are idiots with empty minds. I will continue the fight to keep whats left of me. I will fly half way across the country, spending money that we definitely don't have so that maybe I will have better weapons to fight this invasion (please, let this doc DO something to help). I will get up every morning and fight against it. But it is exhausting. Sometimes I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to give up. Let it consume me. How bad could it be? Maybe it would be peaceful. But I cant. I cant give in. I don't want to be a full pod person. Dang it anyway. So I will keep on fighting I guess. Keep searching for someone who has experience with this type of invasion. They are hard to find. Believe me. Most doctors just don't have experience with body snatcher invasion, otherwise known as Dysautonomia. SIGH. I really do despise those pod people. A lot.

So that's how the name came to be. I think its fitting. You may just think I have gone off the deep end finally. I probably have. I think my fellow dysautonomiacs will relate though. And maybe, it will give the rest of you a way to picture how I feel. Or again, you all may just think I'm a nutter (in the words of my aussie friend).

***Editors note-for those of you who read this and are thinking "oh my gah, Cyndihas totally lost it! She thinks she was abducted by a liens!!! We have to get her committed to the nearest mental hospital!!" I really don't think i actually was invaded by alien body snatchers. It is a metaphor. REALLY. I promise. I am not yet completely insane. But thanks for caring.***